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Couples therapy

It is not because you are not trying hard enough.

Most couples who come here have spent a long time trying to sort it out on their own.

We look together at what happens between you, and at what can be changed.

What brings couples

What brings couples through the door.

Lonely as a couple. You are not alone, and yet it feels that way. You talk about appointments, children and shopping, but no longer about yourselves.

Arguments, whatever they are about. It starts with the washing-up and ends somewhere else entirely. After ten minutes neither of you knows how you got there.

One of you seeks closeness, the other withdraws. The more one asks, the further the other pulls away. And each of you finds the other's behaviour unbearable.

After a breach of trust. Something has happened, and you do not yet know whether or how something can grow from it again.

Differences have become front lines. Over children, money, family or closeness, each of you now defends a position rather than a wish.

Nothing has happened, and that is exactly the problem. No argument, no crisis, just the feeling of living parallel lives and not daring to say so.

You do not have to agree beforehand on what the cause is.

How I work

How I work with couples.

I work in a structured way, grounded in cognitive behavioural therapy. We look closely at how an argument starts, at the point where it tips over, and at what each of you does in that moment.

Both of you are heard, and both of you get roughly the same amount of space. I pay active attention to that, even if one of you is used to talking more.

I do not take sides. My job is not to rule on who is right, but to make what happens between you understandable.

We work with concrete situations from your everyday life and with exercises you try out between appointments. You leave every session with something you can do.

How it works

From the first message to the first appointment.

  1. Enquiry

    You write to me using the form, or call. To begin with, it is enough if one of you calls. I get back to you within two working days.

  2. The first appointment

    90 minutes, and you come as a couple. I ask you both what brings you here, what you want to change and how long it has been like this.

  3. What I make of it

    At the end I tell you openly how I see it and whether I believe we can get somewhere together. Then the two of you decide whether to come back.

  4. How it carries on

    There is no fixed number of sessions. Many couples start every two weeks and lengthen the intervals later on. After about four sessions we take stock together.

Fees

What it costs is all on this page.

  • Session, 90 minutes The two of you together, at the practice. 220 €
  • VAT Unlike psychotherapy, couples therapy is subject to VAT. It is included in the fee. 19 %
  • Who pays Entirely a self-pay service. Private health insurers and Beihilfe (the reimbursement scheme for German civil servants) do not cover couples therapy. Self-pay

Appointments take place at the practice in Frankfurt am Main. You receive an invoice for a counselling service with VAT shown separately.

Billing

Why no insurer pays for this.

In legal terms, couples therapy is not medical treatment. A relationship crisis is not a diagnosis. That is why neither private insurers nor Beihilfe pay for it, and why the fee includes 19 % VAT, unlike psychotherapy.

There is a side to that which many couples value: no diagnosis is made, nothing is billed to anyone, and nothing is reported to third parties. What is said here stays in this room.

If it emerges along the way that one of you has a condition that needs treatment, depression or an anxiety disorder, for example, I will tell you so openly. We then talk about what treatment makes sense for it and who should provide it.

Common questions

What couples ask before they come.

What if my partner doesn't want to come?
That happens often and it is not a reason to stay away. You can come on your own to begin with; often that alone changes something in the relationship. Some partners join later, once they see that nobody is being put on trial here. What I don't do: talk anyone into coming who doesn't want to.
Will this go on record with my insurer?
No. Couples therapy is entirely a self-pay service: there is no billing to an insurer, no diagnosis and no report to third parties. You receive an invoice from me for a counselling service with VAT shown separately. If you show that invoice to nobody, nobody knows about it.
How many appointments will we need?
There is no honest way to say that in advance, and I would rather not give you a number I cannot keep to. After about four sessions we take stock together: what has shifted, what we keep working on, whether carrying on is worth it. We make that decision as three people, openly.
Can we come even if we want to separate?
Yes. Not every couples therapy has staying together as its aim. Sometimes the more honest work is to shape a separation so that both of you, and above all any children you share, can live well with it afterwards. You can come for that too.
A beginning

Three lines are enough.

Tell me roughly what it is about. I will get back to you within two working days. If I am not the right person for you, I will say so and suggest someone better suited.

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Please do not put diagnoses or sensitive details in the form.